While reviewing more video from this morning I saw her on a video chat. So I rewound the video and listened. This is the call from her friend Kristen’s cousin.
I called her and asked if there was anything she’d like to tell me. Once I was specific she started admitting to it. Swears that she did not have sex with him but I have no idea. They’d gone to dinner with her friend a few days ago.
It may finally be time to leave.
Oh wait… there’s more now. I found where she’d called the night before.
I still can’t believe she cheated. The one time I take a break for myself to get away. Cheating is something I hadn’t had an insecurity about in a very long time. So that’s great.
Not sure how I’m going to get through this right now. But at least the therapist said I’m coping with it well by still carrying on and spending my time here in Michigan. That makes me feel a little better.
I told Lauren that she only gets one. That’s it. Anything more and she’d be looking for a new place.
It’s really hard to think about going home tomorrow. Like how do I even begin to hug her while feeling this way? The last time I was cheated on that I know of I was 18.
She wants to talk but all I can seem to do is ask for every detail thinking that it will some how make sense to me. Maybe I did something wrong.
She says she wants to be dominated. She needs that from me. But anytime I’ve tried to have sex I get crickets. Nothing. No physical attention at all. How can I even want to do that for her if I feel like I’m nothing more than a bill payer?